Sunday, December 26, 2010
Well Christmas time has passed. Although not fully. It was weird and indescribable (like most of everything) not having him here. It would have been his first Christmas. Still very so-real. We carried around his blankie all day. Everything does happen for a reason though. I know there are reasons behind this horrible tragedy. The kids were able to have a real Christmas this year. They had a great time and fully enjoyed it all. Got pretty much everything they wanted. Although that list isnt too big or realistic since they are still only 3 and 2(even though it seems they are so much older). Thank you to everyone who sent them a gift. here is a picture of them Christmas morning, after sadie woke up. I cant even imagine what kind of celebration is going on in Heaven for Jesus' birthday. Sweet Enzo is a part of that which is awesome. As much as I try, I hate to admit it that it still doesnt help me emotionally. Knowing how happy he is right now, especially since he can watch over us, is so comforting to me. Yet it does not heal the pain of missing him. I do have my good days and my bad days. Keep praying for us please. Thanks
Monday, December 20, 2010
So last night I had the most so-real dream ever. I have never had a dream feel so real until I woke up before. Although I cannot remember all of it. :( It took place in the hospital with Zo. In the same position we were with him, the only difference was he did not have all the tubes and things everywhere. As I sat next to him, all of a sudden he opened his eyes and looked at me. Then he started breathing on his own. At that moment I picked him up and just squeezed him crying. I couldnt believe that he was going to be ok. I felt so much happiness in my dream. Todd was not in the hospital room at the time so I called him yelling with excitement!! "Zo woke up!!!!!!" I wish I could remember more of my dream. But that part is so clear as glass in my head. I will never forget it. To wake up and realize wow that was a dream, was not even describable. It feels like the situation i am in now, should be the dream; bad dream. Wish I could wake up. But I know this pain will never go away. I do mean never. I know one day it will at least be manageable.