Sunday, October 9, 2011
One year ago today I did not want to leave your bedside. I felt guilty when I was across the room. You felt like a mile away and you were lonely. I was going on over 48 hours without sleep not willing to give up on you. I knew my God, the God of miracles could heal you. If he could make the blind see and heal the sick, this was easy I thought. No matter what the doctors said, I held on to what I believed. I loved just holding your hold and rubbing on your chubby thighs and arms and talking in your ear. I knew you could hear me. Days mixed with sobbing into your Daddy's arms and hoping. As daddy and I came out from the doctors office with probably complete devastation written on our faces, we knew we were being told it was time to let you go. I didnt want you to think I gave up on you, I NEVER EVER did. I just knew that God was telling me it was time. He had bigger and better plans with bringing you home to him in Heaven. Although we didnt know what that better plan could ever be. As they took out the tubes and your Daddy held you, we sobbed into you. Remembering all the wonderful and happy times we had with you in your whole 6 months and 15 days of life. Knowing we wouldnt have anymore memories to cherish except to never let go of the ones we did have. You were such a lovable and sweet boy. Its hard for me to remember any bad times at all with you. Its amazing how many lives have been effected in some way since. We have inspired people with our strength which has completely come from Christ. I am lucky to at least have you for the time that I did. No words could express how much I miss you and love you. That love will never ever fade. I know you are constantly looking down on me and smiling. I love picturing that smile. I wish things didnt have to happen the way they did but I know I will be with you again someday in Heaven. Holding you just like I did when you passed away.